Older Child Adoption

helping you older child from adoption with feelings, parenting with laughter discovering coping skills

What do I do with all these feeling my child has?

You have created a loving environment. Your older adopted child seems to be settling into the new routine and the family. Then the emotions come flooding out. Anger - no maybe RAGE- is seen. Sadness - no SORROW - is expressed in bouts of sobbing. Fear - undefined is found when you just look at your child or call her name.

All those emotions;How in the world do I help my child? She's overwhelmed with FEELINGS.

"I don't know how to get the mads away." A four-year-old adoptee once told her adoptive mother.

That mother had to help her daughter find a release. It was time to pour out all the yucky, icky feelings this toddler had bottled up so that she could have room for all the love and comfort that was being showered upon her.

  • Allow your child to feel it, own it and express it.Words may not be big enough to express the feelings of hurt and rage that a young child who has suffered trauma feels. Get a punching bag; show how to punch a pillow. Give them a safe place to SCREAM if they want to. Oh, and don't use logic. This is purely an emotional thing - there is no way to counter acts these intense feelings.

  • Understand that sadness can happen anytime with no seeming connection to current events
    • Let your child sob. If that is a release s/he need, be the safe place for him/her to go.

  • Make it SAFE for them to tell their story

    • Pieces of the past seem to come out at the most inopportune moments. Your child will carefully look for your reaction before going on. One mother said, "if I seemed upset or sad or too interested or probed too deeply with questions, the conversation stopped." Getting out the story is healing. The child needs to know that you can handle it, that there is some place s/he can go when needing that release. CONTINUED...
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