Adoptive Mother MemoriesI remember when I first saw your face.A week from Friday it will be 7 years since my then 6 month old baby boy was placed in my arms at Logan airport in Boston. There were several family members and friends, and another family with children from India, waiting with me for my baby son. Andy was sound asleep when the escort handed him to me and a few minutes later he woke up, looked into my face, and it was like he knew he was home. With Grace, I was in a hotel in a country where I had never been before, waiting with another family for our daughters foster mothers to bring them to us. They were later than we had been told they would be. The father of the other family came running up and told us that they were on their way up in the elevator. We ran out into the hall to greet them and my Grace's birthmother. We signaled for them to come into a room that was ready for them, since our attorney/interpretor was even later than them. I remember taking Grace, but feeling like she was not really mine yet, since her birthmother and foster mother were both there with us. It was not until a couple of hours later, when I was able to take my little Grace back to our room, and count her fingers and toes, that I felt she was really mine. I will also not forget the moment that Andy and Grace saw each other for the first time. It was Christmas Eve, 2002, when Grace and I arrived home to Boston. Andy had stayed with my sister while I traveled to Guatemala to bring home Grace. My most precious photo is of Grace in her stroller and Andy standing next to her, both of them looking into each other's eyes for the first time. It was love at first sight. I look forward to stamping the memory of the moment I am able to see my new son Sammy for the first time. I also look forward to seeing the reaction of both Andy and Grace to their new brother.
The Joy of adopting my "Older Child"We adopted our daughter 5 years ago from India. She was 4 when we picked her up and is now 9. I know you said you're not looking for rose colored glasses, but that's exactly how our experience was. Mitali adjusted to our family wonderfully. We have 4 bio sons and she adores all of them. She was fluent in English within 6 months and immediately bonded with me. It took about a year for she and my husband to bond to the point where he felt like she was our bio-born daughter, but that was due more to the fact that my daughter was not exposed to men in the orphanage, than to their relationship. My husband is very respectful of boundaries and waited for her to come to him with affection, hugs... Now they are very close and adore each other. We've received so much joy from our daughter that we are adopting our 6th child and will be leaving for India in May to pick up Ani, who is 8.Two of my sisters also adopted from India. My neice Grace was one when she arrived home. She has 3 brothers that are my sister's bio-sons. My other sister adopted my neice Tarka, who arrived home from India last Sept at the age of 12. My sister is also adopting her social sister, Mamta, age 11, from the same orphanage. They hope to bring her home next month as well. Since Tarka is 12, she is a good case to look at when researching older child adoption. She initially was cold to my sister, not rude, but not affectionate either. She would hug my sister's other bio-children and her aunts etc... but not my sister. That lasted for about 3 months. She did test my sister in minor ways as well, but when corrected she immediately responded favorably. Within 3 months she was hugging my sister and now looks to her as a mother. They are very close. She was always close to my brother-in-law, it was only my sister she rejected for a short time. It's normal for older children to reject a parent, but it's usually the father. I think Tarka was a mother figure to many of the younger children in her orphange and she resented my sister for trying to mother her. She got over that very shortly though and loves America, her school and most importantly, her family
|
