You brought me here and now you want to change my name?

Like all parents, naming our children is vitally important. People preparing for adoption can spend countless hours choosing a name for their new child, particularly if they're adopting a baby or toddler. (If you don't know whether the child will be a boy or a girl, then choose names for both genders.) Here are a few issues to consider in naming a child—or changing names:

* The age of the child. If the child is two or over, her name is part of her identity, and many experts recommend that the name not be changed. (Some adopters give the child a new first name and they make the child's former first name her middle name, so it's not lost altogether. For example, if the child's birth name was Marie, they may change her name to Jenny Marie. They may also call her both names for a while, until she gets used to the “Jenny.”) My view is that if the name of the child would cause embarrassment or taunting, perhaps it should be modified. Otherwise, don't take the child's name away unless there are compelling reasons to do so.

* Sometimes when adoptive parents adopt an abused child, they want to wipe out all the pain of the past and give the child a “clean slate.” To do so, they decide to change the child's first and middle names. They see it as a claiming tactic and as a loving act. The problem is that the child may come to the family with nothing but himself and his identity—a part of which is his name. If the child is old enough, consider allowing her to have a say in what her name will be.

* Naming the child after someone in the family. This is one way of showing a connection of the child to the family.

* To an older child you adopt, taking your last name is a very big deal. Danny, age 8, pleaded with his new family and even with his social worker to hurry up and finalize his adoption before September. Why? Because he wanted to go back to school as a “Smith.” It was very important to him. The day that the judge congratulated persistent little “Mr. Smith” on the finalization of his adoption was a very happy day. (Danny's parents have the photos to prove it.) As was the day that he proudly registered for school as Daniel Smith.

Here are some thoughts on changing a child's name.