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Growing up AdoptedStage 1 - 3 to 5 years old.Why didn't my real mommy want me?I was adopted as an infant. Some would say I shouldn't have had any thought about my birth family. I didn't even see my birth mother. I was taken away before she even knew I was a girl.However, in kindergarten I began thinking about belonging. My sister grew in my mother's tummy and I was adopted. I wasn't really certain what it meant. I knew the story; my birth mother was only sixteen and couldn't take care of me. But, I reasoned, my babysitter is sixteen and she took care of us all the time. At five, I began to think that maybe being adopted was about something that I did. So, I began to get up really early, dust and do other chores to show my parents that they could keep me. They didn't treat me different than my sister. They went to extremes to keep it fair between us. Somehow, I thought I needed to be good enough to be worth keeping. Even if you adopt a baby, please consider the fact that one of the stages ALL CHILDREN go through is the need to be safe and feel a sense of belonging. Regardless of how you children come to you, you will need to give a little reassurance that you will be there for them. Between the ages of three to five don't be surprised if your child begins to ask about her "real" mommy and why she was adopted. Start with a deep breath and a little bit of understanding. Consider sharing these thoughts: * Every baby is born to a man and a woman. * Sometimes a mom and dad can't take care of a baby who is born to them, so they find another family to care for the baby. It's grown up problems and nothing to do with the baby. * You didn't grow in my tummy. You grew in Sarah's tummy. She gave birth to you - she's your first mother. Then we adopted you. We needed a baby to take care of. Sarah chose us to be your mommy and daddy. ***Keep in mind. I didn't tell my parents, or ask my parents about the adoption. But I still wanted to know. As parents, you can causally mention adoption. It gives a child permission to ask. So much as changed since I was adopted. Sealed records are less common and the stigmatism of adoption isn't as severe. Let your child celebrate being adopted, your chosen child.
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