Adopt, Older Child, Parenting Tips & Lessons

Adopt an Older Child requires different parenting skills. It can be done with much success. Here are some parenting tips & lessons from those who have been there.

Realizations

Your child had a life before you knew her. She was growing a part from you. Now you have to set the stage to have the child grow close to you, trust and love you. It doesn't happen overnight - but it does happen. Here are some parenting tips from those who have adopted children older than infants.

Expect Rejection

Ouch. It hurts your heart. You have been longing for this child. But, she doesn't know that you are going to provide a safe, warm, nurturing environment and love her unconditionally. Consider your child's FEAR! At four, she is being taken from everyone, everything she has ever known. You have brought her to a place completely unfamiliar. As a child she has no real means to support herself. Take a moment to feel that anxiety and you can understand a little bit of the child's fear.
  • Many parents of older children find that FOOD is a key factor in establishing trust. If a child knows that her basic needs are being met she will be able to work on her emotional needs. Always have good food, sweet foods and a plenty of food available to the child whenever they want it. IT IS NOT SPOLING THE CHILD - it's the first step to establishing a love bond.

    • Expect to have 2nd thoughts

    I know, on this side of the adoption you thought it would be happily ever after. But, in reality there are changes on both sides. You have gone from longing to have a child, to getting a child who doesn’t' want to be with you, yet. Your older child has already formed a distinct personality (apart from the one you fantasized about from the photo you saw.) It takes adjustments periods. Most say six months, before you both fall into a routine, and begin to grow together.

  • Fake it Until You Feel It

    • Love starts with your head. Not everything the child does will be lovely. But you can always love him if you commit with your head. Your heart will follow. PROMISE! Don't be too hard on yourself. You are NOT a bad mom or dad if you don't fall in love right away. You are being honest with yourself. Love takes time. More Parenting Tips...
    The Joy of Adopting an Older Child
    Attachment & Bonding tips. Building the bond of love.
    Your Child Waits for You! International Adoption.


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